Updated: Sep 19
Everyone has a story.
When you look back on your life and think of yourself as a little girl or little boy, can you remember a lot of it, maybe some good mixed in with some things you’d rather forget? We are born completely pure and innocent. As we go through life, people and experiences influence us. How we are raised can impact how we raise our children. What are we taught. What our values are.
If you go back and tell your younger self some things you have learned, what would you tell them?
Lessons for my younger self:
You will happen upon people that treat you poorly but you don’t have to take it.
Think of people like garbage trucks driving around. Some trucks have a nice tight lid on their truck and some don’t have any. Garbage is flying all over and you are darting all over trying to avoid it.
Humans have good days and bad days. When they are throwing their invisible garbage all over the place, likely they are not happy and projecting their stuff onto others. Someone happy, will go around smiling, humming, saying hello, be kind .. someone that’s struggling could be sullen, crabby, maybe even mean, or malicious.
When someone is coming at you, you have a choice to engage or disengage. What would the likely outcome be if you engage or attempt to defend yourself? Most likely the other person isn't going to stop and say, Oh my gosh, you're right. It's best to disengage and move on until a time when healthy, calm communication can happen.
That’s not you, that’s them.
Learn budgeting and finance.
This isn’t taught in school. If your parents don’t know, they just don’t know. Stay away from credit cards. It’s very easy to get into a cycle of debt and barely keep your head above water. Dave Ramsey is a well-known name with some really easy fundamental training to getting and staying out of debt.
Don’t define yourself by someone else’s idea of you.
You be you. As hard it can be, don't worry about other people's opinions, everyone has one. We are in a world where it's easy to spew off hate or judgment pretty fast. Some are even encouraged to share their negative opinions. It can feel hurtful and shaming. No one is allowed to make you feel like crap.
You will ~ never ~ make everyone happy or proud of you. Basically, what someone thinks of you is none of your business. Is that a hard pill to swallow? Yes but it's true.
Make healthy choices.
A healthy choice is a broad phrase. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. How do you spend that, whether it’s exercise, mediation, food, supplements, or mindset? Choose to take a walk over sitting on the couch. Choose a vegetable instead of fries when eating out. Choose to find positivity in a situation or a person. Each day make just one healthier choice. When you slip or slide (because you will, no one is perfect) just start the next day again.
You want it, work for it.
My family is not wealthy. We had things we wanted, we took a vacation every year. But these things were planned for and saved for.
Nothing is free.
Stand in your values.
Values .. what the heck does this mean. If you don’t know your values, it’s time you did. If you are finding conflicts in areas of your life, this could be why. If you have a value of freedom and you work for someone that wants to know your every move, guess what, you won’t be happy. If your partner loves to eat out and your value is a healthy lifestyle, you will most likely find yourself in conflict.
Some great resources for self-discovery:
Something else helpful, take this list and pick the top 10 that resonate with you:
Surround yourself with low drama and high vibrational positive people.
Big one!! Negativity, drama, and hate draw bad energy to you. More illness, hurt, and just an all-around crappy attitude. Spend time with people that make you feel good, uplifted, positive, and healthy. People who support you.
It doesn't matter who it is, toxic people need the boot and have no place in your life.
You will fail at something you try, that’s ok and expected. Just keep moving ahead.
This idea has been experienced by many athletes and successful people.
Feel gratitude and appreciation for everything.
Every day find 10 things you are grateful for. We are energetic beings. Everything and everybody has a vibration.
Find gratitude even in things like a negative balance in your bank or an abusive partner. It sounds counterproductive but if you have gratitude it will force you to bring better things to you.
Don’t let fear paralyze you, let it provoke you.
Fear - False Evidence Appearing Real
Some fear is real but most is our brains and trauma response kicking in. Is the fear real or just an illusion. Take a few deep breaths and calmly access the situation.
Learn every day, never be complacent in bad habits.
It's easy to stay in bed, adopt bad habit after bad habit. The more bad habits you acquire, the harder it is to let each one go. If you have fallen so far back it's hard to see forward, start small. Set your alarm in the morning. Make a list of 6 things to get done (even if a starting point is to brush your teeth). Journal. Read something enlightening or educational. Set a timer so you don't get lost scrolling aimlessly on social media. Go for a walk. Anything to do something productive, then build on that.
Your perspective is your outcome, you are in control.
You draw in what you focus on.
If you wake up and think the day will suck, guess what - It will.
You can't control other people, their actions, their thoughts. You can only control yourself.
Yep, this is a hard one. But read that again. The Stages of Change model is extremely helpful in this area.
The idea of 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink' or that other people's opinions of you is none of your business could fit in there too.
Respect yourself, be kind, and above all love yourself, your words are magic spells.
Very important!! It's easy to put others first or bend to what other want of you. But self-love, self-care, and self-worth are extremely important. It's not selfish to put your needs first, especially if you're feeling exceptionally drained by a situation or person. Take a mental health break. It's ok.
What other things are there that you have learned along the way that you'd tell your younger self?